TEST RESULTS

I received my test results today from NIH--I do NOT have an adrenaline producing tumor. I am praising the Lord for this wonderful news! ... I will go see my primary care doctor tomorrow to hopefully make a plan.
Praising God for His constant care for me and my family....God is good, every day.

MAKING THE MOST OF THE MOMENT...

Time slips by so quickly...don't waste a moment! If you love someone, tell them..don't wait! Don't hold back. You never know when you will have another chance to be generous with your love, with your words, with your affections. You will never have another chance to live THIS moment in time ever again. Make it your best moment!

• Don't wait for the phone call..MAKE the phone call!

• Don't wait for someone else to say they're sorry--SAY it first...and forgive even before that! You might not have another chance..Life is just a heartbeat...a breath..

• PURSUE peace...don't wait for it to just happen...GO AFTER it...

• hug the babies...all the babies

• ignore peoples quirks..just ignore them... don't sweat that small stuff...

• PLEASE DO stop and smell the flowers

• Eat the brownie..just EAT it... and ENJOY it...

• Most of all, look for the blessings...look for the good. I am saying this to MYSELF today. Count those blessing out and say them out loud. Out loud to the Lord, and out loud to others. Do NOT hold back, no withholding...let your love spill over.

SOME THINGS I WANT TO DO...

Another Sunday that I am not in church...I am SO thankful for our worship service being available online! Nicholas got really sick with a swollen and infected throat, so he came home yesterday afternoon and Craig took him to the doctor...I am sorry he is sick, but I was so glad to have him here. I got the chance to fuss over him a little bit...It has been hard to stay encouraged today, for some reason...so, I decided to start a list of things I want to do when I get well. Trying to think GOOD thoughts...

Here is the list so far, not in any order:

• GO TO CHURCH
• CBS
  
• Attend Lydia's graduation in May...
• Sunrise service on Easter
  
• go to Disney with Paige and Paul
  
• go to the grocery store! for a BIG shopping!
• Cook for my family! A BIG DINNER...on a regular basis
  
• finish my scrapbooks
  
• plant my garden
• ROAD trips...to NC..to VA
• PLANE trips..to AL...to MN...FL
• day trip to Lancaster, to the Pfaltzgraff outlet
  
• a walk in the woods
• Going out to dinner
• Going out to lunch
• Going out for breakfast! lol
• paint the kitchen cabinets
• go visiting people, especially a shut-in
• go to the beach
• go the Women's Ministry meetings
• lose 40 pounds
• get a new haircut
• visit Eastern University
• visit Rutgers University
• drive Michael wherever he wants to go
• learn to paint
• Have a big party for NO reason...
• touch my toes without fainting..lol
• join a gym
• go back to my Bible Study, and be the Craft lady again
• read more books
• go to an amusement park
• go to NYC and walk around for the whole entire day
• go to Luke and Aaron's graduation
• go to WICKED again
• do the WHOLE Target...
• clean out my craftroom
• Babysit
• to be CON'T...
  

WAITING...

Waiting for the phone to ring...waiting for the answer...waiting for the test result....which path will I be taking? God only knows...Lord, let me be found faithfully waiting...I know the Lord knows the answer already. He just hasn't told me yet. I know exactly what He wants me to know this moment.

Waiting can be loud, like a pounding in the ears...but sometimes--in better times-- its quiet--like the swiftly falling snowflakes--each thought swirling down to peacefully land on a white blanketed world. Waiting waiting waiting...

Today I wait quietly. My thoughts are falling peacefully down and landing in God's hand...He holds my dizziness for me...He holds the pain that I have in my side... He holds the heart pounding....I love that He is capable of taking all these things onto Himself, and I can let Him carry me through.

SLEEP, GLORIOUS SLEEP!

God blessed me last night with a FULL night's unbroken sleep! It is the first time I have slept through the night since November! When I looked at the clock this morning, it was 6:30 am. That's LATE for me! Not only that, but when I awoke I was shaky with a bit of a low blood sugar..so I ate a bowl of cereal and lay down on the sofa--and fell asleep for another hour! I cannot describe how grateful I am! I am SO thankfull! Praise God! He meets our needs, as He knows our true needs, and knows them best!

Also, I am grateful to have been able to attend my home fellowship last night! I haven't been in church for a month, or my Bible study for over a month...that lack of fellowship has probably been the hardest part of everything...BUT, God has certainly sent sweet fellowship to my home, and as always the timing was perfect... Old friends, new friends...have stopped in and blessed me with companionship, food, even household chores. They have prayed with me, which is an answer to MY prayers. In fact, I want to mention a new friend--- Katherine. A dear couple from my church has been doting on me, and the family--making lots of food..taking Mike here and there, always calling me and fussing over me. I am not used to this, as I have enjoyed being the one to fuss over OTHERS...but, what a blessing to receive this love gracefully, and I thank the Lord for it...Anyway, this dear couple has a neighbor/friend who is 93 years old---sweet Katherine. She is a prayer WARRIOR---- they have been telling me that Katherine has been praying for me. I have wanted to meet this dear old saint, and I got my wish unexpectadly last week, on Valentines Day. My friends had stopped to bring me flowers for V-day, and they had Katherine in the car...they asked if they could bring her in, and I excitedly said YES! Katherine wanted to pray for me in person! After telling me stories of her life growing up, and of her testimony of living for Jesus all those years, it came time to pray. She took my hand, and brought us before the throne...I cannot describe how amazing it is when a dear old saint prays over you...I havent had the opportunity many times, but this is one I will NEVER forget...her hand was SO strong, her grip powerful--her prayer was full of praise ...It is an awesome thing to hear the prayers of an old saint--one who has known her Savior for her WHOLE life---a LONG life...and the wisdom of living through many trials over the years... With 100% confidence she prayed for my healing, and we praised the Lord together in thanksgiving for all He is doing, and WILL do...

Katherine was here for about an hour, and the blessings that came from this meeting are indescribable...today I am thanking the Lord for Katherine!!! And I hope to have the opprtunity to spend time with her again soon...

SATURDAY, AND HANNAH...

God is teaching me so much about depending on Him...I spend so much time by myself, praying to make it to the time that Craig gets home...this faintness truly has me in a place of total dependence on Him. Today I can't even sit up I am so faint. I can't shake it and I can't fight it...and I don't even know why I feel this way yet. But, I am reminded today that God never leaves me. Again I say these words over and over to myself:

" 8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut. 31:8

I am determined to hang in as long as I can, but I have to admit Heaven sounds better and better..and better! Which brings me to the blessing of this day. Today God gave me Hannah. Hannah is a young girl that I have not ever met in person. In fact, she passed away last Sunday. She had a serious and incurable lung problem. A friend of mine sent me an email today with a link to the live broadcast of her memorial service that was held in Philadelphia this morning....

Hannah loved the Lord. She has been sick for many years, and passed away at about 16 years old, I believe. Hannah didn't know a day when she didn't know the Lord, and dealt with her illness with courage and full reliance on God. In fact, her motto was "F.R.O.G.--Fully Relying on God". I watched her service live, and wept right along with her loved ones, feeling as if I knew this amazing girl...She knew her place was in Heaven, knew she was headed there soon. She even wrote a note to her family and friends that was placed in the bulletin. It read: "Dear Friends-Please be happy I am in Heaven with God, and I'm perfect now. I don't get tired or cough. I can ice-skate and play the hardest piano music without even practicing. Best of all, I can play with Jesus all the time. I will be waiting for you!! :-) Love-Hannah"

Her entire testimony can be found here: http://www.tenth.org/index.php?id=355

This precious girl was such a blessing to me today...such an encouragement! God has used this child in such amazing ways, in so many people's lives...It really makes me think about my disease, my situation..I feel like God used her to get me to the right place in my own heart about the suffering. I am lonely, but I am not alone...The Lord is with me the whole of every day, and I am seeking to be Fully Relying on GOD...day, night and every moment in between...

Thank you Lord for Hannah Cohen, who is dancing before you today! Thank you for the HOPE that she reminded me of today, when I needed it. Thank her for me!

VALENTINE'S DAY

hearts...hugs...kisses....cards....love

Friends brought a delicious dinner tonight! Lasagna, salad, bread and fresh made pumpkin ice cream! Just Craig, Mike and me. Craig ordered me a "Pajama-Gram" , delivered by the UPS!..lol...which is actually very thoughtful, as I need new pjs for the hospital. They are fuzzy and pink and warm. How sweet! I never knew that you could have pajamas delivered so cleverly! I so appreciate that he would listen to what I really need rather than insisting upon the flowers and candy tradition.. my knight in shining armor is now doing the dishes and I sit here wishing I could do something amazing for him. Yet he tells me that just being his wife IS amazing. I am a blessed woman..

MY WORLD ...

I have become very familiar with the four walls of my living room! I have been in the house for a week now...and I am amazingly not completely tired of it here. I am not really feeling well enough to do anything anyway, so I really don't mind being kept here at home--I have had blessing after blessing come my way here in my nest...my friends have gotten together a plan for me not to have to be alone when I am this faint and dizzy...they are standing beside me and encouraging me all the way...someone arrives by 10 am and they stay a few hours, or until I feel well enough for them to go...I stand amazed at this provision for me. God provides for my every need, every single day. I have even had someone volunteer to come wash the dog, and clip him! Another angel did my grocery shopping, and yet another one is coming to clean on Tuesday...I keep telling the Lord that I want to get well so that I can be an angel for someone ELSE..but for now, He has me on the receiving end-- I praise Him, and thank ALL OF YOU! I appreciate all this, and your prayers, more than I can explain...

DO NOT BE AFRAID...

I am struggling with anxious thoughts today--trying not to entertain thoughts of "What if..." So I am trying to fill my mind with verses that banish anxiety and fear: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters ... they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God" (Isaiah 43:1-3). So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) I consider our present sufferings insignificant compared to the glory that will soon be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18) Dear friends, don't be surprised by the fiery troubles that are coming in order to test you. Don't feel as though something strange is happening to you, but be happy as you share Christ's sufferings. Then you will also be full of joy when he appears again in his glory. (I Peter 4:12-13) He (God) comforts us whenever we suffer. That is why whenever other people suffer, we are able to comfort them by using the same comfort we have received from God. (2 Corinthians 1:24)

IN THE DARK OF NIGHT...

Its Saturday today, and Craig was able to sleep in...the 12 hour shifts are really tiring him out, but he never complains...I finally got out of bed at 6, because I was shaking and dizzy and didn't want to bother Craig.
I really grabbed hold of the fact this morning that nothing can happen to me that God doesn't know about, care about, and even allow. Because of the adrenaline issue, I have to be mindful not to watch anything stressful of scary, so I fill those early mornings with my favorite Little House on the Prairie, and Discovery Channel favs like "Survivor Man" and "How'd they make that?". When I think of this special man that God gave to me, and how little we knew about what we would face when we said "for better of for worse"...I am awestruck. Awestruck at his faithfulness, strength, courage and patience. He never makes me feel like a burden, even though this situation MUST be a burden to him...He just keeps telling me "we WILL get thought his"..and I know how genuine he is, and I can't help but believe him. Somehow, some way, we WILL get through this.
Craig's name means: "strong foothold"...and he truly is...
Till later...
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